Though of gain!!

Today my mum called me up and told me my hamster die. I am so sad!! I think these few days i am so down that i fail to take care of my hamster. But i still remember i feed him and gave him water the few days before, he was still drinking very well.
When i reach home, the first thing i went to look at my dead hamster, he was so cold and stiff. So sad, he use to be so active. Me and him, use to clean him, play with him, feed him, treat him. He bought us lots of happiness. I just feel so sad when i got to send him down and dig a hole for him to rest in peace.
He leave me, and my hamster leave me too. Iszit a sign that telling me something going to happened? Or my hamster just know that we are ending or my hamster just feel for him? Is my hamster too sad that he is leaving me and wont be seeing him again? That why he chose to leave me? He was my first hamster. I feel so sad...

Today, i get to msn him.. we talk.. he asked me to move on.. but i want to move on with him. I dunno, i am still confuse.
I dunno iszit really my own though or we are just to alike?
I use to be very strong and motivated and very positive thinking when i am single, just like what he told me. I just lost all the positive thinking after when i am with him. I get disappointed with myself becoz of him, he had the same feeling too.
Are we both just love each other too much? Are we both just care each other too much that we scare that we were disappoint each others? That make us very bad? Some time i feel that i am not that good and i scare he wont see my good and my capabilities.
Do he feel the same too? I feel like i started to live for him more than living for myself, i know it was bad to live for someone rather than yourself, but is so hard to control these kind of feeling and emotional. Do he feel the same too? I think he do...!!?? That turn us to become so bad. We both are just selfish, i guess we both just been hurt too much, we are so afraid to be hurt again, we only want the other party to understand us to give in to us. We use to be so understanding for each other and so giving in for each others, iszit normal when a couple came to a stage that they have forgotten how to give in and how to be understanding for each other?
Some one told me, he has mood swang, who dun have? I have it too! She said, when he is happy he talk to you when he is not happy he dun want to talk to you. It sound like me too. Un i am like that too? I am just like him, just that i get frustrated to my fren rather than to him, becoz he is the one i love.
He told me, we start from fren again, let him has his time, and if we get better maybe we will see how.
I think that is the best way. My mum and dad they had print away the wall. I think that is really a start again for us.
Him, give me a secure feeling, becoz i know he wont go out and play outside with other gals. He has the responsibilities just that some one just dun understand him. Base on the key and she jude which i find is very unfair to him. Becoz he do that at his own home too.

Dun like to join my fren, iszit becoz,if he dun treat me well my friend will not like him? Or he is just to tired for the day and he still have to keep him smile when he dun feel like doing it? Or he is just not in the mood, due to his work and he want to have a peace mind? Or he is stress becoz he is still not that successful enough, as i know image to him is important? Or he dun click with them? Or he is lost and lost confidence on himself? But all these i think i am thinking too much.

I feel better after he talk to me^^ At least he willing to talk to me and tell me his problem^^ He still need my understanding. But do we both have another chance? I really dunno? If we are back together, will these thing happened again? Or it will become better as i know him better and he has know me better?
I notice i have getting to know him and understand him more after all these thing happened and is not easy to understand him and know him.

I dun want to expect anything, I dun want to hope for anything. These is just to remind myself not to hope and not to expect and i wont be so sad... if i get a neg ans from him.