Umberlla

Today i took an umbrella from my clinic. And i have leave it in Ivan warehouse and forgotten to take back.. and the umbrella now is staying in the warehouse or maybe has been use my someone.
What is the umbrella has a life?

It was born in the factory, and sold it to the shop for sell.
Umbrella might have stay in the shop for few mths or maybe year.. Umbrella started to get use to staying in the shop like home with friends like her and some treated like family. And she was never thought that she will be away until one of the a day some one bought her over due to a rainy day..
Umbrella now was brought to a place that she never been and it was a totally nice and new environment to her. she start all over again in this new place with her new owner. She was alone but she dun feel lonely beocz the new owner has treated her well, bring her too all kinds of places that she has never been before.. and always never forget to bring her home.
But one day, the owner was sick and so sick that she was left in the place that she never thought that she is going to spend another few mth or years there, with no once notice. She's been left in a clinic alone.. after a few mths she make new friends in the clinic, friends that are like her.. been left in the clinic..

It was quite some time since she last went out... till these days again she brought out to some where just like the day when she was brought out of the shop..
She has no idea where is she going, hopping that the person that brought her out will treat her nice..
This time round, she was brought to a place with no friend, all alone in a new place, it was dark.. very dark.. that she's not sure how long has she been there...
Till a day that she finally was brought out.. but this time round she was too tired to be happy.. she get so use to be in the dark, and not moving herself that much..
and this time round some one brought her out.... it was so sunny, so couldn't even open her eyes and open herself up.. but the person just force her open.. and she broke down.. she cried the painfulness on every part of her body.. and than notice that she is no longer the umbrella that she was in the passed... She felt so tired and painful and close herself back, closing her eyes.. and never open......

Thoughts

Is marriage important to me now??
Guess not that important anymore...
Why?
Ans :Maybe due to age not sure??
Do you like to attend friend wedding?
Ans : No!
Why?
Ans:Don't know? Maybe don't like the feeling seeing other happy marriage, or i just want to 逃避。But partly due to the life in Singapore now. Everything is so expensive and i am not earning much.. $$$ i think is the main issue..

My job!!!
Every mth of my paid is just enough for me to spend and save some for my further. Some time i even over spend, I work from monday to Sat, although my sat is a half day work but most of the time it turn out to be like a full day, And yet i earn so little. Some time i really wonder, ppl who work five day and yet they earn that much and they complaint that their earning is little..
Why dont I change my job since i am not happy with the paid?
Because is hard to find nice colleague to work with and nice boss.
Nothing is perfect in this world!

Do I want to get married??
I guess yes, but i dun want to put to much hope, i dun want to get disappointed.

What are your plan now for further?
Work.. work and work...
Earn as much as i can and save as much as i can.

Right now i feel like i am the only child in the family.
Although i have a brother.. but when my parent are sick.. he never bother to help..
I feel stressful.. I have to work too, i have already so little time for myself to rest, and yet i have to take care of my parents when their sick or having problem. I am facing alone..
Sometime i was thinking, what if i am married.. thn will my mum and dad still depend on me?
Because my brother has a family now, and she dun want to disturb him. Than how about my futher?????

So i guess i will not hope to be married... not hope to have a family..

Maybe that the reason why i does not like to attend wedding.

Other look at me, and telling me that i am having a very good life now.. ya from the outside I do may look good.
I drive a car, but belong to my parent.. I do have a bf that i dun think we were get married.
I do have a Carree that dun make me rich.

I feel that i am getting more and more lonely right now.. I feel more happy to lone at home doing my own staff imagine things that will not happened in my life. To 满足我的愿望。To make myself more happy.

Guess i am emo at this moment.. Just feel like writing something that what i am things now.. maybe the next moment i think differently.

I am getting more xiao qi now a days, not sure why.. maybe jealous of others who has better life thn me??
Life is getting hard now.. really...

Boy boy fall

Today, Mum told me boy boy had a fell due to my dad, never look after him while playing.
When he went to school principle from the school called my sis in law, sis in law not happy called my brother. And than called my mum.
Sis in law already dun like my parents to play with my nephew and now this thing happened. Hianz really dunno what to say. Boy boy fall everyone is unhappy, non of us want this kind of things to happened, Including my dad. He is not on purpose to make him fall, but than all the blame on him. He is not young any more just want to have some time with nephew. And more over, felling down for children are normal. My dad is not young, we can't blame him on now taking good care of my nephew. He is not as flexible like when he was young, he is aging. He is also tired over the day of traveling here and there. My mum always like to take my dad for gaunted. And now my brother will be more unhappy with my sis in law. Becoz for so many years, they have never bring their children to my house, becoz sis in law dun like it. Our parents are all old. And my parents know that they have difficulties in life. Yet she is still not happy with them. I am sure my dad feel very bad too. Accident do happened. It a norm in life..
Hope boy boy can recover fast and no wound marks on him. God some time is really unfair, he is such a clever and handsome boy but why do they want to give him such a big birth mark on his face?

And last week, there is children going to the home, to perform and play with those elderly. And there is this boy, he had caught my attention becoz of his big eyes and he is wearing glasses with such a young age. But again god is unfair, he is so handsome but he has problem with his leg, he cant walk properly and need a maid to company him when ever he go. I talked to him, he is a very clever boy too. But i can tell he doesn't has much fren becoz he cant ran and jump like others kids. It make me feel very sad.

Attachment start.

My attachment had started, and these is my 2nd weeks of attachment. In the home, we din really do much thing. But I still feel so tired, dunno why..?? Maybe is becoz I have to wake up early and have to bath all the elderly. Is really a good exec rise^^(positive thinking hahahah, just to make myself happy that i can loss some weight hahahaha)
Looking at those elderly, I was thinking were i be like them when i get old? And will I remember things that happened around me? Or will my parents be like them?? Where by me and my brother have really no time to take care of them and have to send them to home. Becoz life in Singapore are getting harder and busier, everyone is so busy with their work, and can work up to 12 hours a day. So by the time when you reach home, you're already so tired to do anythings. Therefore, in future Home is the 'in' thing and is will be a very good investment to open a home (My dream). Anyway, looking at the elderly I notice their life is home is just waiting, every morning when they woke up, they wait for bathing, than they wait for breakfast, after breakfast, they wait for lunch, thn for tea break and than dinner. Life in the home are really boring. Although the Home has try to provide as much as activities for them, but than the activities is so routine.
Look like the home concept in Singapore is still a place for unwanted elderly.
But in future, i think this concept will change.
Saw those elderly with lots of medication everyday, I than notice my Mum is one of them. She has to take her medication every morning, which i know is a very tiring things to do. And is a very 心苦 thing to do. Becoz nobody like to take medication and taking medication really make you feel very sick and tired. I feel sad, i feel bad. Becoz as a nurse, i cant even take care of my mum, she is so stubborn. I really want to do something but sometime i just get very tired and stress. Becoz i have a brother but than look like i am the one holding on her. My mum really care so much about my brother becoz he has a family. Than what about me??? Some time i really feel so unfair. But life if never fair..

Hope my prcp will goes well.. Pray hard..

March

Happy to be with my baby bf now, becoz he is listening to me now hahaha.
But thn at the other side i am worried about his work. Hope he will be successful if not he will have to go back to tw soonz...
March, i din do much thing, most of the time i am staying at home.
Save some money at the same time.
Baby is treating me nicer now, and i can feel the love from him even don always said see how and let me know again. But at the end of the day, I saw what he did of wat i said. Happy^^
Bought him for some prayer and forturn telling, hope it help him in some way in his biz.. But i only can pray and hope things will get better for him and for us.
As for work, nothing much.. only lady boss is difficult to handle, other thn that, everything is all right.
And for family, also nothing much.. as usual, dad has his hearing problem, mum keep nagging.
Actually i am happy with what i have this mth. Becoz my bf is treating me well, my parents are healthy. My bother as usual.
Just that money is always the issue. Hianz..
I want to win 4D so i can buy my laptop, or can change of car.. when are the number going to come out again??

被冤枉

被冤枉, some time when ppl told you about they secret, you promise not to say and you will not to say. But thn some how, in this world there are ppl who tell you their secret and end day they will say you talk at their back when you din even did it. It either they dun feel secure. What why is the first time you tell that person for what.. thn want to make it like is that person fault. This ppl just like to assume things. But anyway is fine with that person if they dun want to be fren with you anymore, becoz you also have a choice too.

Yrt was my first time going ktv with baby, but is not what he really wanted. Is becoz the rest cant make it.. so no choice he ktv with me. But he dun seem to be enjoying. But is out first time. Although not very romantic...

And the day before was my first time going sentosa with baby for suntan. To him, i think I have present that i am not interested in suntanning, but thn he was wrong. Last time i use to go very offend. Just that no one want to go with me.
I love suntanning.. it keep me relax.. enjoy the beach.. really..
I am quite an active person, to me, i am like not an active person. I dunno what make him think so..
But anyway not important.
CNY is coming, so sianz.. another year over... hianz.. Hope that i can finish my PRCP smoothly.. Pray hard. And have good business for my blog shop after CNY.
Hope baby and my family and my brother, have good and huat arh for this coming year, although mum said it wont be a very good year.
But i still pray hard for that..
As for my partime job now, look like the clinic has lots of things going around, and the boss no nothing.. hope things will be over soon, and that person will quickly get out of the clinic to give everyone peace... Really a trouble maker..

A quiet night!!

If i never appear in your life, will you still be loving her? or still waiting for her? If have never been appear in your life, maybe you have been back to tw. Am I the trouble one? Ya! I am the difficult one..
If you never appear in my life, What were I am be?
If they never appear in my life, I may not be what I am now.
If they never leave me, I might be married with kids.
Me, a person who think back, a person who life in the past, but yet I have to tell myself to look forward.
If i never been working In RMG, where were i be now? And what were I be doing now?
If time were be able to turn back now, I wish I am 16 now..
Is there any problem with me? Yes there is... I were always feel insecure.
Am i the one for you?
Or am i not...
Do i really love with you? Or am i just in love with myself?
Am i the selfish one, i guess i am..
Do I think about other feeling, i guess i dun.. why?
Been hurt enough, why do i got hurt? Becoz i am the one who always make thing worst.
Is there any problem with myself, Yes!

I never been understanding to you, I am sorry.. I only know how to give trouble..
I never been good enough for you.
I din know what wrong with myself? I am some how lose in the way of my path life..
Did i chose the right choice not to be wat i really are?
Am I that happy? Some how yes and some how no...
What can i do to make life better? Am be a happier person??
I feel that my life stop here.... What were be my next aim now??