我的梦。。。

Suddenly feel very worried about the dream.. I dreamt it when i am at his place,
dreamt about the person i dun like came to Singapore to look for him.
And he slowly forget about me, and he slowly leave me becoz of her.
I was a bad dream.. and is so clear... I hope and pray it does not happened..
I am so worried.. and scare.. what if it really happened..??
Ok is just a dream.. a dream... I told him about the dream, and his response was, You think too much siao..
Dunno what if he is thinking in his heart..?? Maybe he really wish my dream will come true.. that was his all time wish.. hianz..

Recently, i also think about my little boy.. was thinking if he's here.. how old will he be now.. 2 bah..
I also missed my little boy, not only him..

Good thing tml i am in the afternoon shift.. if not I'll be really drain out.. so tired to work in the morning..

Baby, I know recently you're really busy, dun forget to eat and dun skip your meal.. although i always make fun of you.. but i really dun mind and i love you in whole.
But as for you??? I dunno.. wondering.. again....
Sleep and rest more... keep yourself health..

I hope i can get a sponsorship in my 3rd year of nursing.. I really want to learn more and know more about nursing.. getting more and more interesting in the ward 43..
A really good place to learn..

Sat, i will be the model for Ivan.. hope everything go smooth and good..
I want to go for a holiday.. but i have no cash..
I want to get my bone, I need money...

青天

The past one weeks was my first week of attachment in ward 43, this week will be my 2nd week.
Went out with Baby on Friday to watch Dragon Ball.. Not a bad show. After the show had end, baby went to smoke and i went to the toilet.. After my voiding, i went to look for him.. Guess what i saw.. I saw a real 捂倥。 Hhahaha.. baby was looking at me... haha we have eye contact and we both laugh.. he really look like one.. with his hair all standing up...
When baby place to stay.. becoz been a week since i last saw him..
Some time, i told myself not to look at what web site he visited, dun go and see what he have been serving.. guess rite now he is smart.. sure he will delete away once he visit the page.. maybe he really never visit the site..
Spot him again on sun, that he went to see her pix... I know he had save some of her pix in his com.. but i think either he delete away or he save it somewhere that i can't assess. e.g his lap top..
I tell myself, not to ask him why anymore.. the more i ask the more upset we are.. so be it.. I think he's big enough and mature enough to know what to do and what not to do. I dun want to be a naggy gf.. guess I'm tired.. No point haunting him, but yet he's still doing it.. hopeless...
Not sure if he visit my blog?? Guess not, recently he's been so busy with his work, dun want to disturb him and 烦他. He buddy has left the company, now he got extra work to do...
Mum got scolded from me on Friday, really dunno where do she want to go for Dr??

Past last week in the ward, so much interesting case, pt swallowing Nail will eating, drank RTA, pt with wife and gf, irritating demanding pt thought he was staying in hotel..
Ward 43 really a nice ward to work..
Back to my case study...

阴天

I have so many doubt on him, getting more and more.. I felt so useless... I dunno what will you see this?? I have so much question to ask, and i know i will get no answer. I asked myself, why? I give the my whole hearted to someone but thn i am always the 2nd class. Maybe is my life, i will never be the first.
I saw his blog in accident, saw what he has wrote in the past. Ya is in the past.. but yet that person is still in his heart.. what can i do?? Nothing..
I only can wait.. but how long can i wait??
He is very busy recently.. so i only can wait.. i dun want to make him feel that i am a bur en.. but the other side of me, want me to solve the problem..
But right now is not a good time for him to think of all this thing.. but somehow he himself will think about the past..
He is trying very hard, I know.. should i just keep on waiting?? act like nothing happened and me blind for the rest of my life??
I keep telling myself, is good that not to know too much thing, becoz eventually it will make me unhappy if i know more.. but some how.. all these things just appear to let me find out when i am avoiding it.
I want to be happy, I want to be the only one he love, i just want to be the one in his heart.. but i know i can't...
The only ting that i can do now, is the study and past my time by not tinking about it.
But is so hard..
Sorry that i always make you feel so angry that i can't give you happiness.. Maybe i am not a good gf.. sorry... I am not good at relationship.. I just want to be selfish. Can I??

I pray and hope... thing are getting better soon... pls pls pls... I have enough...

My personailty test

Are You Nosy?
Nosy Level: 70%

You may seem to be a nosy person to some people, but actually you are quite a serious person who's not at all interested in gossip. You just like to know what's going on around you. It's a natural interest and you can get offended when people tell you they think you're a sticky-beak.

Love and Your Sweetheart
Your man is a lot of fun to be with. His talk is charming and because of this he always seems to be surrounded by girls. You'll just have to live with this and not let it bother you. If you let him know you're jealous, it's likely that he would turn his back on you without too many second thoughts. To be with him, you have to give him plenty of room to move, trust him, and allow him to be independent. You should also remember to be independent yourself. He enjoys going out to parties and likes you to have fun along with him too, so make the most of his love of life.

What's your personality love style?
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high

Bright and Cheerful
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

How you control your husband, who will lead the family and who will be led?

You will never expect to control your boyfriend or husband. Your boyfriend and you will take turns to make decision and the decision is often acceptable to both of you. Whatever you want to let him know, you can just tell him straightforwardly. This is a good relationship, a pretty modern one.
How will you choose your Mr Right?

You will make the most of being able to shop around for Mr Right. You love your freedom and will have a lot of fun learning about what sort of man you like. When you do find the guy for you, nobody will be able to keep you away from the church.
Who will be your future Mr Right?

Your future hubby will be lovely and sweet, but a little immature - possibly even a spoilt brat! This guy will trigger your maternal instinct. You'll always be willing to watch his back and clean up his mess. He might be the same age as you are or even younger.
When will you get married?

As soon as you fall in love, you'll want to grab your man and hang on to him. You will probably marry very young, so it would be wise of you to think carefully before committing.
What sort of wife will you be?

You are a bit tricky. You might pretend to be a sensitive and caring wife in his eyes, but you'll be ready to laugh at him behind his back and eventually you may even leave him for another man.
Will you and your husband have a good time together?

You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends.
What will your children be like?

Your kids will be very naughty. They will often get into trouble but you will have a great time bringing these fun-loving kids up. They are lively and smart.
How loyal are you?

You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband.

You speak without even thinking. "You are definitely not my type!" will probably be the nicest thing you might say. If they catch you at the wrong time, your reply could be much worse.

The Mass Communicator
You have a cheerful personality and you are a naturally kind person. Your hidden talent isn't really that hidden at all: you shine among a crowd. You would make an ideal news announcer, flight attendant or model - any position that would give you an opportunity to deal with plenty of people. A tip for you is to avoid getting too deeply involved in others' personal lives - otherwise you might find yourself constantly being asked for help.
You recover quickly from disappointment. But when you feel that things are going wrong, you will react immediately.

How deep is your love?
Depth: 63%

You have him in a corner of your heart. Don't lie to yourself; he's your special guy. Take good care of your heart. You still have a long way to go. Always remember that love has two edges. Being apart for a while might be a good chance to proof his love to you.
You only think about having affairs with another but you will never cheat on your loved one in real life

在你怀里的微笑

可以吗 让我和你对调
希望换成你爱我爱的快要疯掉
知道吗 你对我多重要
只是现在的我们并不适合拥抱

爱随着风飘荡飘过了你
最终飘到天涯海角
把我困在这城堡 哪里也逃不了

我不要别人温柔的怀抱
听不见你的心跳
连我熟悉的味道 再也闻不到
我只要你喊我一次就好
从前亲密的暗号
多想再次亲耳听到

可以吗 让我和你对调
希望换成你爱我爱的快要疯掉
知道吗 你对我多重要
只是现在的我们并不适合拥抱

爱随着风飘荡飘过了你
最终飘到天涯海角
把我困在这城堡 哪里也逃不了

我不要别人温柔的怀抱
听不见你的心跳
连我熟悉的味道 再也闻不到
我只要你喊我一次就好
从前亲密的暗号
多想再次亲耳听到

我不要别人温柔的怀抱
让我暂时的依靠
那是份张止痛药 很快会失效
你只要再哄我一次就好
让我可以很骄傲
记住我拥有过的好
记住在你怀里微笑

Wondering

Wondering wondering..
I wonder what so good about her??
Ya she's more pretty thn me, she has better figure, she has nicer voice.
I'm stupid, i dunno anything, i always created trouble, i am clumsy.
Some time i really wonder.. why why why? Why can't he just stop viewing her blog since he said that he will not contact her any more.
I feel so sianz... i feel so bad, i feel.. hianz..
I dunno what to say..

Do he know that knowing him that he's still concern about her make her feel sad.
Do he know that not she want to be demanding, but just that she want to protect herself
Do he know that she is not that stupid all the time, just that she just want to make him happy
Do he know that she also has lots of unhappy things to worry e.g family
Do he know that doing all that will make her sad
Do he know that she know that he never forget about that her
Do he know that she knows everything but she just act like she dunno anything
Why can't he just delete away the blog??
He know that after you read and he can do nothing, thn why do he still want to read?
He know that he'll never contact her any more, unless he know he can't do it by not contacting her one day.
He know that reading it does not help him much and he can't help her much too.
He know that reading it will make me unhappy and do no good than why do he still want to read it?
He know that when he read and when i found out i will have lots of question thn why can't he just delete it..
He know all this will give him unnecessary trouble thn why do he still want to DO IT!!
I dun want to scold him, i dun want to quarrel with him, i dun want to make things bad..
WHY CANT HE UNDERSTAND????
He can do all the things for her but not me, he can listen to her but not me, he can do all the editing photo for her but not me. HE CAN PUT HER PHOTO ON HER PHONE BUT WHY NOT ME.. DO HE KNOW THAT I AM STILL VERY UPSET AND ANGRY ABOUT THAT BUT I ONLY CAN REN REN REN.. I FEEL SO UNFAIR..... IF I HAVE A GUN I WILL TO SHOOT HER OR MYSELF.. SUPER PISSED... He said all this has been past.. ya been past thn why is he still care so much about her... he said i why am i so xiao qi.. this is not about xiao qi.. do he know that the little things that he do can tell a certain thing...

WHAT A DAY... yet she need to be lovely where by she know nothing much she can do.
My mum leg is getting worst..
Seeing all the ppl coming to my house and pray.. so wish that i can asked them to stop coming..
And eating free food inside my house and dun do anything..
Irritating..

Holiday...

I'm having my holiday for 3 weeks, and only one week have past. It seem so long..
Been doing nothing at home.. sleep,eat, go out.. sleep, eat..
I need to earn money.. but i can't find any part time job just for this 3 weeks..
Ok, what have I done for the past few days... I went out to Zouk on last wed.. Went out with My ITE frens on Thur.. Went out to Liquid Gold on Sat...And went to Su Leen's son one year old Bday party at Aloha..it is consider a mini gathering too..
Never been seeing the old classmate and School mate for like 10 over years..
Every still look the same, nothing much change. The only thing that change was their stats, is either Married with kid or going to get marry, or had ROM..
Hahah someone has asked me, when am I getting marry?? hahah What a question... I never think of when because every things around me are so uncertain.. I just want to finish my study and get on with my career and start working and earning money..
Hmmm
ok let me recall when did my baby last time cooked for me?? Ok I think it was on a Monday... it was last Monday... He was trying out nice stuff.. but it turn out to be good.. hahah I missed his spaghetti.
I am working on last Sat... nothing much happened.. The only things that happened, was my good fren and my nice cousin..
Hianz Love problem.. I hope everything will turn out smooth for them..
My good fren hope the suffer that she had will all soon be over..
And one know i want to hope and wish for myself.. I hope that one of the day, my baby can join me with my good fren to chill or club or ktv together.. I want to enjoy with them and together with him... But he's so ASOCIAL...
Hianz...
Very bore now a days.. want to go for skating.. but it keep raining.. how to go?? Can stop raining for just a few days?? Let me have my exec rise...
Mum health getting bad... what can i do?? hianz... I really dunno? Should i send her to operation? But she is afraid of operation. Should i send her to therapy?? But is all so ex... How how how??
And i just can't stand that she's still doing the prayer where by her health is not good.. and why do she still have to do it.. how come the boss can't see that her health is not that good anymore and why can't she just let her stop and not doing all this things for her??
We can't rest in peace becoz all the irritating auntie will keep calling or even knocking at the door where by someone next door already told them no one around...
It is so irritating that i really wanted to scold them and ask them to get lost and stop coming to my house.. I hate that till now.. some time not i am having bad temper.. but i really can't take it where by you have no peace at home.. you can't take a proper rest... Why do my family have to do this for them?? When will all this thing going to end??