阴天

I have so many doubt on him, getting more and more.. I felt so useless... I dunno what will you see this?? I have so much question to ask, and i know i will get no answer. I asked myself, why? I give the my whole hearted to someone but thn i am always the 2nd class. Maybe is my life, i will never be the first.
I saw his blog in accident, saw what he has wrote in the past. Ya is in the past.. but yet that person is still in his heart.. what can i do?? Nothing..
I only can wait.. but how long can i wait??
He is very busy recently.. so i only can wait.. i dun want to make him feel that i am a bur en.. but the other side of me, want me to solve the problem..
But right now is not a good time for him to think of all this thing.. but somehow he himself will think about the past..
He is trying very hard, I know.. should i just keep on waiting?? act like nothing happened and me blind for the rest of my life??
I keep telling myself, is good that not to know too much thing, becoz eventually it will make me unhappy if i know more.. but some how.. all these things just appear to let me find out when i am avoiding it.
I want to be happy, I want to be the only one he love, i just want to be the one in his heart.. but i know i can't...
The only ting that i can do now, is the study and past my time by not tinking about it.
But is so hard..
Sorry that i always make you feel so angry that i can't give you happiness.. Maybe i am not a good gf.. sorry... I am not good at relationship.. I just want to be selfish. Can I??

I pray and hope... thing are getting better soon... pls pls pls... I have enough...