The longest two weeks..

This is the longest two weeks I ever had.. Every day since to pass so slow and so long.. Even when i sleep, I've been getting up very offend..
Saw his nick... keep himself in the box, thn back to hell..
What does all this mean????
You msg me, I feel like replying you but thn, i remember the thing you said to me, you feel so sianz when you saw the my msg.. so i stop myself from msging you...

What have i been doing? Goin out with fren, went clubbing, went to chill.. trying to pass my time.. I suppose to go for a family gathering on sat evening.. but thn i decided not to go... I know mum will be very disappointed that i never join them..
But i dun feel like going.. I dun feel good..
everyone is married with kid and have family.. the only one is me.. If i go they will start asking me, where is my bf and stuff.. when are you getting married and stuff.. I dun like it.. i hate it.. I never hide it from my mum.. i dun like this kind of gathering and i told her.. hope she understand...

The day is passing so slow.. so slow...

Days without you...

We've come to a concusion, not to see or heard from each other for 2 weeks, let each other cool down for the period of time.. to let us think thur, to let us know what we really want...
Today is only the 2nd day.. I started to miss you badly... the feeling of missing you is so different from the time that you're not in town..
I am missing with complicated thought..
What are you doing now? working? playing ball? watching drama? ktv at home? going out with fren? meeting? and do you miss me as i do?
The happiness moment that i had with you, was the genting trip.. I feel the love from you. Although it was only a two day one night trip.. but it seem to be very long for me..
The first night.. we were having our dinner in the room.. you're having your KFC.. and I am having my Maggie.. after our dinner.. we lay down on the bed and watch tv..
The feeling was great.. and we head to casino after that.. walking around the casino.. choosing which will be the best to win money...
Everything was so nice.. missed the two days one night with you..

I am worried about the outcome after this two weeks...
I dunno what to do to make it better??
the only thing is to wait... wait for the time..

Your Relationship Spread

Your View of Your Partner

Seven of Spades
Someone will offer you advice that is best not taken. Doing so will present currently unseen obstacles to your success.

Your Partner's View of You

Six of Clubs
Financial aid may become available to you in the near future. Don't be too proud to accept it.

Your Needs

Queen of Spades
This royal card represents a woman who could be either someone you love or a business rival. If she is next to the ace, nine or ten of spades, she may be a widow.

Your Partner's Needs

Two of Hearts
A warm, strong partnership. This is a very favorable card that indicates strength and support coming from a partner in your professional or personal life.

The Current State of Your Relationship

Ten of Diamonds
Happiness will soon come. Either something pleasant or joyful will happen or a situation will come to a happy conclusion.

The Path You Would Like to See Your Relationship Follow

Ace of Hearts
Problems and troubles you have been experiencing in the area of love and happiness should be lifting relatively soon.

The Path Your Partner Would Like to See Your Relationship Follow

Three of Clubs
Love and happiness; a successful marriage; a favorable long-term proposition. A second chance, particularly in an economical sense.

Aspects of Your Relationship to Consider

Jack of Diamonds
The Knight (Jack) of Diamonds represents hope or hopeful anticipation. It is especially meaningful when close to a royal card.

The Outcome

Four of Diamonds
This card represents a decision that must be made regarding a situation that is pulling you in many different ways. Consider all options carefully. This is not the time to make a careless mistake.

What Do You Mean To Him

Chloe just took the "What Do You Mean To Him?" quiz and the result is Complicated Feelings....

This guy does like you.. but how deeply.. he's still not too sure. He know's your a great catch, and that he loves being around you...but loving you is something he's not quite willing to let himself do yet. If you honestly feel deeply for him, then stick it out. If not then don't waste the pretty!

....

My almost one year is not better thn the 3mths...

Feel kind if useless...
Guess he know that i am not happy....
Maybe he has stop seeing my blog too...
My point of writ ting this is the let him know, instead of me telling him
But thn this blog has slowly become my unhappy blog, i notice that I've wrote things that i am not happy with in here...

I am speechless...
Having flu still.....
Getting really old... no longer young...if i'll have to get a new guy.. what will happened to me??I dun want to go thur all the shit any more.. I am tired of all this stupid irritating stuff...if i will have to be in my next life, i wish i would be a bird that can fly anywhere i like...
I know, i'll never get anyone that love me more thn i love them... That my life... i am born with the suay thing with me.. i blame no one....

Is always easy to say thn be done...
I just need some accompany to waste my time during my school period..
After i have done with my study... I will be busy with just my work... work and work..
Life is really tired, tired of going around the same thing again and again..
Some of my fren told me, me having a bf like not having one...
Maybe i forcing myself too hard...
Should i let it go?? or should i not?? I am just too stubborn to let it go.. and i dun let go that easily and i know i can't... it will take me harder and harder to let go each and every time..


I have to move on with my life no matter what shit am i getting now.. even now with him...
I keep owning others.. when were be that others that own me coming?? Maybe no one own me at all..

I dunno what am i writting.. I am mean while lost....
Singapore flighting against China..
But thn, singapore has been flighting for so long, singapore has never been winning anything... how sad..

Genting for bday!!

Thanks you baby for the genting trip, I really enjoy myself especially in the casino hahaha.. It is so excited to sit down there and bet, and this is the first time i am doing this.. hehe..
Right now I'm still in genting.. Baby is watching football outside the cafe, while i make use of my time to do something..
Reach here about 6+am.. woh i got a chance to look at the sun rise... it was so nice.. haha and i get to see it with baby... so romantic.. but it was just a while, becoz both of us are urgently looking for toilet.. due to the stupid bus driver who doesn't want to open the door for us.. But thn again.. weather here was nice, cool.. and slow..
While we were awaiting for the room, we also make use of our time, hiazn no chose we have to make use of the time, who asked us to come here just for two days.. I know is kind of rush.. But thn again hahaha, it was good too.. becoz we never waste of anytime when we are here...
When to casino, walking around the place... shop.. but nothing to buy.. maybe movie but nothing to watch too.. theme park hmmmm kind of old to play that and our main aim is casino hahahaha...
hmm we have breakfast at KFC, lunch in the hotel, and dinner in another hotel.. not that nice but cheap...

To baby Tommy, i am so happy that you like that T shirt.. i am so worried that i will end up buying some thing that you wont like, thank god you like it. haha
suppose to give you a surprise, but hahaha your bb me very funny n stupid.. hahaha baby happy bday to you too.. hehe I've another surprise coming up soon.. hehe
Really love this genting trip with you.. I LOVE YOU!! hehe..

Tml we'll have to go back.. i hope that we can earn our daily living in the casino hahahahaha... huat ah... must win win win...

Moody sunday

It was a sunday, and i been staying in my room for the whole day.. Watching dramas and movies..
What am i doing at home? and wasting my time in my room.. I sleep and eat and watch movie, i guess i have talk less than 10 words for today.
Is a mother day, but thn we have such a long time never been celebrating this day.
When was the last time?? I can't remember..
Since brother had got married, and my three years bf left me, we have never celebrate and have offend family gathering..
Life is so different from the past, i start to appreciate what i have last time, when i have a good relationship with my family and a good bolding.
All this has gone far away from me..

I been waiting for him to call me, but thn is already 10+ no call yet.. still waiting, wanted to call, but why do i have to be the one who always looking for him and call and see how's he's doing..
Having headache now... i hope i can sleep to night...
Less and less things to talk about.. less and less place to go, less and less thing to do.. Am i boring or is the place i live is boring??
I got a bad feeling.... just feel like things going to end soon, or i am thinking too much..
So tired... when can i been appreciate?? mum know that i am not happy..
Still waiting....

depress, like a guy

I feel like a guy more thn a gal in the relationship..
Why am I always the one to look for him?
Why am I always the one to travel all the way to go to his place and find him?
It is just becoz i drive??

When you have hard time in your childhood, you tend to have good pay back in your adulthood, how i wish my childhood was bad where by i can have some one to treat me really good and want me for his life in my adult hood..
But i guess i dun have the fave..
I never end up to be other want to be wife or future person who want to live with.
I dunno what wrong with me and what happened to me??
I am not purposely wanted to be difficult, but it really hurt me when he said that to me, i feel so useless and threaten. I am like catch in the middle and dunno what to do..
I am get depress easily, that me... I am trying to change but it just so hard..
I know my fren around me, even my mum were wonder, why do i have to treat them so well and treat them so nice, becoz their worried for me that i am been use...
Some time i feel that too, but i can't help it.. I tried to say out of my unhappiness but then, i always at the loose end..
I am not a good talker, I am not a good writer.. I am not good at anything, accept been use by others.
Why do others gal can have bf treating them like a queen, and make them like their in the heaven...
As for me, i always get scolded and ppl get frustrated with me. I din do it in purpose.. I always heard the words, or sentence.. "You dun touch me" "you just be quiet can" " can you get away from me"
Thn do he know why do i want to touch and hug him, becoz he had never hug me like last time. He had never been nice like last time, he had never been sweet like last time. I so hurting when you keep hear ding the same thing as "you go back, dun stay here..staying over night with him has become like a trouble..

I want to be sweet and nice, I know i am like a boy.. I am trying to ladylike.. I am a very careless person, i never did my things well.. always in a mass...

Is always easy to ask other to be strong, but it always the person who told the others can't be strong..
I am 28 this year.. I feel so useless...
Ppl can have good life and happy with some one really love them heartily..
I just wish to have one for my bday wish.. But why do i always get so hurt..

So stress in life..
I wish to end early of my life long time ago. But hell and heaven does not want me..
They want me to suffer more till their happy...
I have a had time to tell myself i am not a medium now. In real life yes i keep telling myself, but i my dream, i keep dreaming that i am back to my past life as a medium.. Deep inside myself i know i can't get away from this thing.
I feel sad when i look at my mum doing the medium stuff, she is sick and tired too, but i chose to leave her to suffer all those stuff.. every year now, i will cried to myself that i am a useless daughter...

Can i chose not to stay here?? Is not about the grass is aways green en at the other side, but is always when you have it but you do not how to appreciated it..