Learn, allow your partner the space to be themselves

Thanks kat for the care, i know life have lots of up and down and that life.
But i am just not like the normal gal outside. Is hard to explain and understand. So i shall not explain myself.

It's funny old thing but we often fall in love with some one because they are imdependent, forceful, powerful, in chare, in control and very much out in the world. Than the second we've captured them, so to speak, we try to change them. We come over all jealous if they carry on being as independent, as if being in a r/s with us some how limits them, ties them down, cuts their wings off.
Before we met them, they managed quite wll without us. The sec we meet them, we start giving them advice, restricting their choices, limiting their vision and dreams, curtailing their freedom. We need to stand back and give them the freedom to be themselves.
A lost of ppl say that the magic of their r/s has wrn off, that there is no sparkle there any more and that they have grown apart. And then when you look into it a bit more deeply you find two ppl locked in a symbiotic r/s of mistrust, oppression and niggling encroachment. They don't give each other any space at all, let alone space to be themselves.
So what can we do? Firstly stand back and see your partner as they were when you first met them. What attracted you? What was special about them? What turned you on?
Now look at them. What is different? What has gone and what has been replaced? Are they still the same independent person or have you eroded their space, confidence, independence, vitality? Maybe not that seem a bit harsh, but unconsciously we do tend to rein them in a bit and they do lost their sparkle.
You have to encourge them to step outside of the cosiness of the r/s and rediscover their energy and vitality. They may need to spend more time redisconvering their talents and skills at independence. And you may need to sit on your hands at times to avoid reining them in again. So encourage, stand back, sit on your hans, push and be there. Tall order.Most successful r/s have an element, and a big one, of indepandence. The couple spend time apart to bring something abck to the r/s with them. This is healthy. This is good and grown-up.
I have to learn all these.... Jia you!!

To make the r/s go with zing, you have to go back to square one and start being courteous again in the old fashioned sense of the world. You have to reintroduce yourselves to each toerh as respectful, tachtful individuals who are going to start againg being pleasant, kind, civil and polite. Form now one will say please and thank u no matter how many times a day it is necessary. Be thoughtful, be complimentary, give gifts withour there being any reason for it ask qus to show you are interested in what your partner is saying. Be solicitous of their health, welfare, dreams, hopes, workload, interest and pleasure. Take time to hlep them thake time to focus on their needis and wants take time to just be there for them not to have to do anything except listen show an interest show that you still love them. Don't allow bening neglect to ruin your r/s.
We treat strangers exceedingly well and usually reserve our beast attentions for ppl we work with. Our partner gets missed lots of the bustle of it all. In fact we should treat them better then anyone else. After all they are supposed to be the most important person in the world to us. It makes sense to show them this is true. Of course if you already do all this you must excuse me reminding you to.
The best r/s are the ones where both are supportive of each other's interest even if they aren't their own. You have to be very centred yourself not to fell jealous or mistrustful or resentful. You have to be prepeard for them to be independt, strong out in the world separte from you. We take great pride in being first becoz we are so firm in our own sense of ourselves that we don't feel any loss of pride if we say sorry. we don't feel threatened or challenged or weak. We can say sorry and still be strong. We can say sorry and retain our dignity and repect. Be the first to say sorry becoz we are in the wrong no matter what the argument is about. Arguing is what we are saying sorry for it. Saying sorry first becoz we are noble, kind, generous in spirit, dignified, mature, sensible and good. You have to be the first to say you are sorry, encourage and support them, give them freedom, be supportive, be nice and now i am saying go tat extra step to pls them as well. This is about going an extra step to pls the person who means the most to you in all the world and the person you love and cherish and care about. e.g givig speical treats, Going out your way to find out what they would really like and then giving it to them. Is not about money. Is about surprising them finding little things to delight them and show that you have thought of them. TO let them know how special they are and how much you care. We all need someone who is pleased to see us. It make us feel it is all worthwhile. You are dedicating your life to someone else's happiness. To really care, to still be in love to want your partner to be fulfilled, successful and happy complete. This is chance to have a really good strong r/s based on mutual trust, responsibility, shared happiness, drive and the pursuit of excellence. Your partner isn't just there for someone to chat to when you get a bit fed up and want some company. They are there becoz they love you and you them.Keep talking, helps resolve problems, silence only amplifies them, talking keep you together, it's what you used to do when you first fell in love remember? Acknowledge that your partner has spoken to you and no a grunt or a sigh isn't what i mena. Make some recognition every few sec that you are still awake, alive in the room interested paying attention this mayb be a nod a yes or no a noise of encouragement.
The happiest relationship are where both parties see the need for flexibility in their rules.