Normal home now!!

The day before i when for my tattoo, before my tatoo my mum asked me to pray on sun, i throw away the things, Later in the night she called and cried to ask me home. But i am out with my friend swisy, by the way thanks to swisy, ya i am not leading my own life all the while, my life have been control all a long.
I reach home, mum force me to drink the water with the fu. I refuse to drink, she asked me why i told her, i no longer believe in all these and no longer want to be under control and i no longer want to help in the prayers, i dun want to be a medium anymore.
We qurral but nothing come, she still want me to help up the last time. Which i really dun want.
The next day when i woke up, i feel so sad and depress i dunno what i am doing, i took a few bottles of cough sryup and i went to the toliet to vomit. I and crying yet i am laughing at myself. I dunno what i am doing i feel so sad. I just want to get away from all these thing i dun want to life in these life to suffer with all these which not every one will face it which no one can understand which i feel terriable about myself. I hate myself.
I called my mum, she saw what i took, my god mum, gave me water to drink and want to send me to hospital but i dun want. I just want to die and end of my life. Mum asked me think about my dad and her, i dun care any more i just want to be selfish these time and end of my life to get away from all these things.
I told her why do i feel that, i dun feel peace at home, i dun feel good at home, i look like a monkey when i am at home, i have no privacy. When i am having my exam every day was so noisy. Till i can't even study. I told her, my r/s. partly because of i am a medium, but to her is not a problem and she will never see the problem.
I think thru after daniel leave me, i think of what happened to myself and why am i always getting the same thing again and again. I think back about my past r/s. I see a simlar problem. First Wen Han, we are so happy for the first few years, till the last year when my house have the prayer start, He feel pressure staying at my place. He feel that what ever he do, they are always ppl looking at him and see what he is doing. That why he leave me, and becoz i am young too. Than what they told me, they told me three years later i will find my one. The i met sean low, he stay at my place becoz his school is near my place, we stay together for two years, and the last year he told me, he feel pressure that he want to go for his career and my mum want him to help up which he dun wish to do so. But to my mum is only for the moment but who know is for the moment, and he will feel that if he dun do it he will get bad things happened to him. And he leave me. Joachim and Zac these two just want to play with me. Till Daniel, Daniel let me notice all these things, and if not Daniel leave me, i dunno when i will said out that i dun want to do and be a medium anymore. Guess if he dun leave me, i will still life with these burden with me for years.. Same things he told me that staying at my place he feel pressure. He fee like if he dun do anything good something bad will happened to him. Thoes things that they said to me, really hurt me, because all these is not what i want and not what i did, i can't help it and do anything. I told my mum all these, but telling her i feel no use, because when i talk to her, 80% is related to the god! Same as the ppl around her. No choice i have to get my brother, he love me so much that i only told him a little bit and he know how i feel and rite now i know why he dun like to come home and dun like to pray. My mum just dun understand, we are able to stop all these but she just let them take over us. I told my brother, i do so much good but why do ppl still want to hurt me? And why do they dun want to protect me and let me be hurt? Why do i bring them home, becoz i dun want my house and i parent to be alone, i want to be with them too.
I feel so scare to be home, and i feel so tired to be home, i scare of my mum when she touch me, i so scare of the water they give me to drink. I am scare, i dun believe on what i pray, i told my mum, look at herself, she is so tired, but why we pray and do so much good but we are still not that good. We are not like a family. We have no bonding at all. And because of all these my brother dun want to bring the son back, they treathen him with me than he said later in the year they use his son. My mum dun understand all these, she has forgotten what ever she said to us. I am so tired i just want to get away from all these thing. Till my brother want to throw away every thing than she notice. I pls her let me go, i dun want all these in my house, i dun want to see all of us not happy. I asked her to stop too. It will never do us good. Now my home is more like a house, i have stop all these, from today on i will lead my normal life with my family. I can stay home peacfully. I can watch tv in the hall. I won't feel like a monkey when i am out of my room. I am grow up not any more a 19 years old kid, i dun want to be control and i can see and juge myself now. Daniel, sorry to what ever stress i gave it to you, i dunno will you see these or will you not. But i just want to thank you for everything if not you leave me, i think i will live with these thing for my rest of my life. I just want a normal and normal family. My mum dun get how stress and pressure and that i hold on for so manys years which make me very unhappy.