What Do You Mean To Him

Chloe just took the "What Do You Mean To Him?" quiz and the result is Complicated Feelings....

This guy does like you.. but how deeply.. he's still not too sure. He know's your a great catch, and that he loves being around you...but loving you is something he's not quite willing to let himself do yet. If you honestly feel deeply for him, then stick it out. If not then don't waste the pretty!

....

My almost one year is not better thn the 3mths...

Feel kind if useless...
Guess he know that i am not happy....
Maybe he has stop seeing my blog too...
My point of writ ting this is the let him know, instead of me telling him
But thn this blog has slowly become my unhappy blog, i notice that I've wrote things that i am not happy with in here...

I am speechless...
Having flu still.....
Getting really old... no longer young...if i'll have to get a new guy.. what will happened to me??I dun want to go thur all the shit any more.. I am tired of all this stupid irritating stuff...if i will have to be in my next life, i wish i would be a bird that can fly anywhere i like...
I know, i'll never get anyone that love me more thn i love them... That my life... i am born with the suay thing with me.. i blame no one....

Is always easy to say thn be done...
I just need some accompany to waste my time during my school period..
After i have done with my study... I will be busy with just my work... work and work..
Life is really tired, tired of going around the same thing again and again..
Some of my fren told me, me having a bf like not having one...
Maybe i forcing myself too hard...
Should i let it go?? or should i not?? I am just too stubborn to let it go.. and i dun let go that easily and i know i can't... it will take me harder and harder to let go each and every time..


I have to move on with my life no matter what shit am i getting now.. even now with him...
I keep owning others.. when were be that others that own me coming?? Maybe no one own me at all..

I dunno what am i writting.. I am mean while lost....
Singapore flighting against China..
But thn, singapore has been flighting for so long, singapore has never been winning anything... how sad..

Genting for bday!!

Thanks you baby for the genting trip, I really enjoy myself especially in the casino hahaha.. It is so excited to sit down there and bet, and this is the first time i am doing this.. hehe..
Right now I'm still in genting.. Baby is watching football outside the cafe, while i make use of my time to do something..
Reach here about 6+am.. woh i got a chance to look at the sun rise... it was so nice.. haha and i get to see it with baby... so romantic.. but it was just a while, becoz both of us are urgently looking for toilet.. due to the stupid bus driver who doesn't want to open the door for us.. But thn again.. weather here was nice, cool.. and slow..
While we were awaiting for the room, we also make use of our time, hiazn no chose we have to make use of the time, who asked us to come here just for two days.. I know is kind of rush.. But thn again hahaha, it was good too.. becoz we never waste of anytime when we are here...
When to casino, walking around the place... shop.. but nothing to buy.. maybe movie but nothing to watch too.. theme park hmmmm kind of old to play that and our main aim is casino hahahaha...
hmm we have breakfast at KFC, lunch in the hotel, and dinner in another hotel.. not that nice but cheap...

To baby Tommy, i am so happy that you like that T shirt.. i am so worried that i will end up buying some thing that you wont like, thank god you like it. haha
suppose to give you a surprise, but hahaha your bb me very funny n stupid.. hahaha baby happy bday to you too.. hehe I've another surprise coming up soon.. hehe
Really love this genting trip with you.. I LOVE YOU!! hehe..

Tml we'll have to go back.. i hope that we can earn our daily living in the casino hahahahaha... huat ah... must win win win...

Moody sunday

It was a sunday, and i been staying in my room for the whole day.. Watching dramas and movies..
What am i doing at home? and wasting my time in my room.. I sleep and eat and watch movie, i guess i have talk less than 10 words for today.
Is a mother day, but thn we have such a long time never been celebrating this day.
When was the last time?? I can't remember..
Since brother had got married, and my three years bf left me, we have never celebrate and have offend family gathering..
Life is so different from the past, i start to appreciate what i have last time, when i have a good relationship with my family and a good bolding.
All this has gone far away from me..

I been waiting for him to call me, but thn is already 10+ no call yet.. still waiting, wanted to call, but why do i have to be the one who always looking for him and call and see how's he's doing..
Having headache now... i hope i can sleep to night...
Less and less things to talk about.. less and less place to go, less and less thing to do.. Am i boring or is the place i live is boring??
I got a bad feeling.... just feel like things going to end soon, or i am thinking too much..
So tired... when can i been appreciate?? mum know that i am not happy..
Still waiting....

depress, like a guy

I feel like a guy more thn a gal in the relationship..
Why am I always the one to look for him?
Why am I always the one to travel all the way to go to his place and find him?
It is just becoz i drive??

When you have hard time in your childhood, you tend to have good pay back in your adulthood, how i wish my childhood was bad where by i can have some one to treat me really good and want me for his life in my adult hood..
But i guess i dun have the fave..
I never end up to be other want to be wife or future person who want to live with.
I dunno what wrong with me and what happened to me??
I am not purposely wanted to be difficult, but it really hurt me when he said that to me, i feel so useless and threaten. I am like catch in the middle and dunno what to do..
I am get depress easily, that me... I am trying to change but it just so hard..
I know my fren around me, even my mum were wonder, why do i have to treat them so well and treat them so nice, becoz their worried for me that i am been use...
Some time i feel that too, but i can't help it.. I tried to say out of my unhappiness but then, i always at the loose end..
I am not a good talker, I am not a good writer.. I am not good at anything, accept been use by others.
Why do others gal can have bf treating them like a queen, and make them like their in the heaven...
As for me, i always get scolded and ppl get frustrated with me. I din do it in purpose.. I always heard the words, or sentence.. "You dun touch me" "you just be quiet can" " can you get away from me"
Thn do he know why do i want to touch and hug him, becoz he had never hug me like last time. He had never been nice like last time, he had never been sweet like last time. I so hurting when you keep hear ding the same thing as "you go back, dun stay here..staying over night with him has become like a trouble..

I want to be sweet and nice, I know i am like a boy.. I am trying to ladylike.. I am a very careless person, i never did my things well.. always in a mass...

Is always easy to ask other to be strong, but it always the person who told the others can't be strong..
I am 28 this year.. I feel so useless...
Ppl can have good life and happy with some one really love them heartily..
I just wish to have one for my bday wish.. But why do i always get so hurt..

So stress in life..
I wish to end early of my life long time ago. But hell and heaven does not want me..
They want me to suffer more till their happy...
I have a had time to tell myself i am not a medium now. In real life yes i keep telling myself, but i my dream, i keep dreaming that i am back to my past life as a medium.. Deep inside myself i know i can't get away from this thing.
I feel sad when i look at my mum doing the medium stuff, she is sick and tired too, but i chose to leave her to suffer all those stuff.. every year now, i will cried to myself that i am a useless daughter...

Can i chose not to stay here?? Is not about the grass is aways green en at the other side, but is always when you have it but you do not how to appreciated it..

Working

Have not enough sleep, can't sleep in the night.. and I've to wake up at 7.30am..
So thur out the night, I'm half asleep and half awake..

So is it wrong for me to stop him from viewing her blog and pix??
My rational...
Becoz i know he still miss her, the more he see the more he think..
The more he can't forget about her..
I dunno am I doing the right thing??

Saw his nick in msn, writing that he has forgotten what is happiness and happiness has slowly forgotten... So is it becoz that he can't know what she's doing that's why he's not happy? Or due to his work?? Or me??
After see the nick, i feel unhappy too.. becoz some how i feel is about her..
The past few week, he did said something like why I can see others ppl pix and blog but not him.. Not i dun wantt o let him see, if after he see her pix and he can control his own feeling then go ahead, but the problem is.. he can't..


I am sad that i can't make him happy, how can i make him happy??
I'm in the age or married.. but than I've not started to work and earn my income..
I expected myself to get marry at 30s..
I am asking for too much? Am i stressing him to marry me?
I did asked if he want to marry me, it took sometime for him to ans me..
So i guess, he's still waiting for someone.. or maybe just not me..

I'm always wondering, how do can i make the guy i date, to make him want to marry me and want me to be with them forever?? I guess, I'm just bad at that.. I always can't make ppl feel to want me.. I am a trouble maker and i always give nonsense that they can't stand me.. I am just bore and just wanting to get some attention..
How to make someone to love you as much as you love them??
I think, I'm a failure...

平日

Been age I last Blog...
Been busy with attachment, party, accompany frens and bf.. My holiday ending soon..
Been busy meeting up and catching up with fren...
Was happy with baby, thu i know he's busy with his work, yet he still make up some time for me..
Nothing special recently.. Bday coming, so do baby 的。。
But i have some $$ problem.. need to save for daily living..
Been sleeping very early every day.. early like 4am in the morning..
My days in school will be dead..
I had this funny dream... I dreamt about me being with another guy.. but yet the feeling is not right.. I'll keep looking for someone that is right, and i just can't find that person, till I woke up from my dream... Ha is my baby.. Mr Liao..

When to watch movie with him, and he's really tired.. fell asleep in the movie..
Poor him.. looking at him when he's sleeping.. he look so cute hahaha..
Like to look at him when he's sleeping.. Just like the way he like to look at me when i was sleeping.. Becoz that is the moment when i am the most quiet hahaha...

School coming.. must work hard and study smart...